Deleted...

Some good advice from a close friend was to keep personal things personal and avoid more problems later...wise advice.

Wild Weekend...

I had a fun weekend taking a roadtrip with four other friends to Northwest Arkansas for a wonderful wedding. Sarah Plymale and Aaron Sullivan are now "one flesh" and enjoying sunny San Diego. Talk about a rush of memories...getting married was full of new experieces and emotions. It was a slippery trip with the ice and snow, but it was so good to see so many people that I hadn't seen for a few years. I guess it was a little wierd because I never really developed deep relationships with many of the group since I hung out with a different guys' floor at LU. The best part was seeing lots of G2 girls, especially Zippy. *sigh...We had an awesome time chilling in the hotel room, digesting way too much food that we had eaten earlier, and reminiscing about college. It was fun, but then we had a long drive home to Texas and due to bad weather and a late start, I finally made it home to crawl in at 4:00 AM Sunday morning. Thank the Lord for an 11:15 service. After that and a quick 9.5 mile run around White Rock Lake, I was able to kick back and relax til work today. Three day weekends rock...

Honesty is the BEST policy...

Time to be honest...I'm sick of putting on a pretty face for everyone and trying to appear to be perfection to those around me. There has been very little joy in my life over the past few years, but it is my fault. I have let my relationship with the Lord fall apart and I only seem to turn to Him when I'm very desperate for help. I try to do everything on my own and control things, but I've hit rock bottom. Perhaps I'm jadded from my life not being what I had always dreamed of and I really, really miss my home and family in Iowa. I'm longing for purpose and contentment in where God has me, but it's hard.
I want so badly to be the Godly wife that Chris deserves, the compassionate and loving friend to those around me, the dedicated and passionate employee at my job, and the Christian woman who is so on fire for God that serving Him and loving others is the only priority in my life. I have so much to learn and I know that God is right here, waiting for me to lean on Him. I know that I cannot be that person on my own strength and am trusting that God will change my heart and direct my steps.
Time to be open about my weaknesses, time to share my struggles, time to give my worries to Christ, time to be real with my friends, time to be honest.

Lonely in Dallas

So we've been married for just over 5 months and in Dallas for almost 4 months already. Crazy...it feels like so much longer. This has been the most difficult and painful time of stretching and growing that I have ever experienced, yet I know that God will give me the strength to get through so many changes. Graduating from college, getting married, moving, starting a new job, being alone for a month in a huge, unfamilar city, and having Chris start medschool had created a lot of stress. It's so hard for me to give it all over to God and not know what will happen next. Sometimes I feel like I have no purpose other than to support my husband in his faithful pursuit of God's will for his life, which is okay. I love him so much and enjoy taking care of him in little ways, however I want and need more. I need to get plugged into a ministry or some place where I can serve others and share Christ. It's just so hard at the end of the day when I am exhausted and have so much to do at home to take care of and get ready for another day of work and school. It seems like I've been praying for a desire to be in God's word and love others, but I continually find myself wrapped up in my own things and ignoring everything and everyone else. I know that this is why there is no joy in my life right now and I long for the past--my time in high school and the first years of college when I was much happier, enjoyed being with others, had close friends to hang out with, couldn't gain a pound, and never had to worry about money. Now, I feel like I'm in quicksand...the more I struggle to get out, the deeper I sink. Everything either ticks me off or makes me cry...I need to turn to God, but I'm angry. Angry that I'm somewhere I don't really want to be and lonely. I don't understand. I guess God never promised us that life would be easy and I know that He loves me unconditionally...being stretched and blind is just painful, but I need to have faith and trust that God is in control. In the meantime, I guess I'll hunt for ministry opportunities and keep praying for strength. 'Til next time...

Population: 93% Black, 5% Hispanic, 2% White

So I finished my second day at work today, which I must say went much better than the first. Talk about overwhelming! It's like the entire Admissions Office at LU crammed into one position at FCA--I get to do it all. There are several BIG problems stepping into this position: the former lady had everything arranged her way and had her own system to opereate (which no one else knows), the many files of confidential tests and records are scattered throughout the School offices (basically wherever they could fit them) but not necessarily close to my cubical, and lastly, since the position has been vacant for a few months, teachers and staff have been rummaging through everything to find stuff leaving a total disaster in their wake.

Other than that, I've started picking up on some stuff already but will have to do a lot more learning and organizing to get things to the point where I can enjoy work more and feel like it's possible to stay on top of things. Maybe I'll even get to stop and eat lunch and take all of my breaks...that would be nice.

I saw the second white person today! Yesterday, the lady who talked to all of the new employees about health benefits and insurance was white, so I'm not sure if she counts, but it took me four times of being there before I saw her, the first white person. Ohh, also saw Tony Evans walk past the office doors giving his own tour to what looked like a bunch of "important people."

Stopped at Salvation Army and spent $18 on three suit jackets, one button up shirt, and a hand-spun pottery bowl...not too shabby. I just need to dry clean two of the jackets and wash the others and I'm good. Gotta love thrift shopping!

I'm home now...ran 2.5-3 miles tonight, showered, and made a protein shake. Pretty much bored and really, really, really missing Chris. It's just not the same falling asleep in and empty bed, eating cold cereal, and sitting alone all evening with only my plants to listen to me ramble. Makes me wonder how lonely it would be to lose him...my mom and I talked to a lady in Wal-Mart for over an hour at the photo machine while we waited for her to print her many copies of pictures from her husband's funeral. I can't imagine. At least they were christians and knew where they would spend eternity--praise God for the hope He gives us and that we do not have to fear death.

Read Psalm 27. Here are some of the many great pieces...
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?...Though a host encamp against me, my heart will not fear...'Your face, O Lord, I shall seek'...Teach me Your way, O Lord, and lead me in a level path because of my foes...Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord."

Bored and blogging once again...

Wow, has it really been almost a year since I last wrote!?!?! Summer...I guess it will do that to you. Along with the fact that my husband has been gone for over a week and won't be back from his Air Force training until the end of the month. Boo-hoo-hoo...

So, I just got our internet hooked up today and am really excited to have another connection to the outside world. I've felt like I've been in a cage for the past week almost, only able to make phone calls to friends and family after 9 when our free minutes start.

God has taught me sooo much in this past year about trusting Him and not to make my own plans for my life...'cause they are never as good as the ones that He has for me. I have been blessed with a wonderful, loving, hard-working, God-fearing husband, a very nice apartment that is actually a 4-plex in an upscale neighborhood, a great job at Fellowship Christian Academy (the school for Tony Evans' church here in Dallas), and awesome friends everywhere! Never in my wildest dreams growing up would I have ever pictured myself doing what I have done. Who, and a kid, imagines themselves graduating with a Bachelors from a college in Texas, meeting, dating, and marrying some hunkie surfer/future-doctor who grew up in the Republic of Panama as a missionary kid, moving to a huge city, and working for Tony Evans' church's school? God is awesome...that's all I have to say!!

Well, my favorite mom is making the 800+ mile drive today to stay with me for the rest of the week and weekend. Awww! I love her sooo much and we will have a blast hanging out and exploring this stink'n huge city. Sooo, I guess that means I need to go scrub the toilet and mop a floor or two to make our new apartment presentable. Hmmm...I wonder if I could talk Chris into hiring a cleaning lady...

May 21, 2005 -- the best day of my life!

So I'm moving off-campus into the Yellow House. Big step to independence, I guess. At least I don't have to eat at Saga and there are no open-dorm hours! I'll let you all know more info as it is finalized...catch ya later. 

Sarah Jo and me again...relaxing on Chris's couch after Fall Fest...yay for getting out of formals and into comfy clothes! 

In honor of my hot friend, Sarah Jo, who is moving to Mississippi. This is us eating at Chili's before the Longview Symphony. 

Blueberry Festival?

Okay, so Chris and I had plans for this last Saturday, but they were changed the night before and we were left with a full day and nothing specific to do. Besides the fact that we both have a very tight budget, we wanted to find some cheap entertainment outside of Longview. Yes, I know that this city is exciting and all, but it seems like everywhere we go we end up running into people we know and can't get away.

Our plan: be spontaneous. Ironic, huh? =)

As of 9 AM on Saturday, we had decided to find a random festival or event happening in East Texas. I came across a website for Nacogdoches' annual Blueberry Festival and so we packed a picnic and took off.

( check it out for yourself! http://visitnacogdoches.org/blueberry.htm )

It was only an hour drive and we arrived in "the oldest town in Texas." Chris and I decided that it was just another excuse to throw a party and sell stuff. One would think that a blueberry festival would be full of, yes, blueberries. However, there was only one or two booths selling blueberries. We did see T-shirts for the event and blue beer, but that's about it. We stopped a girl wearing a blue formal dress and huge crown thinking that she was the blueberry queen, but nope, she was the Nacogdoches Queen or something. No blueberry queen...how disappointing.

We had fun anyway walking around in the sun and humidity looking at all the endless rows of vendors, signing up for prize drawings, listening to a South American band, munching on real kettle corn, and chatting.

Cooling off in the air conditioning of a coffee house and playing Rack-o was fun, too. It's always nice to talk without interruptions and not worry about the usual things of the day. We then opted out of the "Big Cynthia" concert because it was $10 a person...we figured we could rent a movie for less than $20 and have more fun.

So, overall I had a great day hanging out with Chris and had fun experiencing East Texas up close and personal, even if it is a little redneck. I guess I don't have a lot of room to talk being from Iowa--the land of corn and pigs. =)

Grand Opening...

okay, so i guess it's been so long that i last posted that my previous blog has expired. go figure. ooh well...that's the way things seem to be going this summer. i've lost motivation to keep up with some things, and am struggling to keep my head above water in normal stuff. massage classes started and i think i'm really going to enjoy it, as will my family and friends. i just need to trust that god will help me be studious and able to finish journals and homework.

wow...i can't believe i'm technically a senior! college has gone by so fast and i'm freaking out because i only have a year to figure out where god wants me to go and that is strange. i guess i'll just need to trust that he will open doors for me and continue to guide my steps in this next year. it's hard to hand over the keys to someone else when i feel like i could drive just as well, but i know that in life i am just the passenger and a tool to glorify god--he knows where he wants me and i'll let him have control.

time to do something fun on this free day. there has to be some life around here some where! i'm out...