Loneliness...

It's funny how I am surrounded by lots of friends and family, and yet I struggle with loneliness. I guess this is when I really need to lean on Christ and allow Him to fill the void that was created in my life. Perhaps it was especially hard the past few days because almost exactly three years ago I thought I had said good-bye to going through life alone...this week was challenging, to say the least.
I guess I should be reminded that my focus should be on the eternal and know that no one here on this earth can bring me the real joy that we have in Jesus Christ. Yes, of course I would like to be married and starting a family soon, but I also have to be able to let go of my own desires to allow God's will to take 1st place. I know that He will provide and that will come in His perfect timing. 'Til then, I will seek His face in the lonely times and rest in His presence.

Eastern Europe...

Yay! So I am going to eastern Europe for a month this summer to work with some individuals at a local kids camp. I am very excited to see where God is leading. Suddenly the thought of going overseas to work with lost people doesn't sound quite as daunting as it used to. I never thought I would give in to God nudging me in this direction, but I guess He has a way of conforming my heart to His when I pray for it. What an amazing God I have! Now I just need share Him with those in desperate need of hope in this part of the world, too. The adventure begins...javascript:void(0)

Missions...

So I'm looking into a summers missions trip. I have been feeling God leading me here for some time, but because of different circumstances and being so focused on what I wanted in life, I hadn't really explored my options or allowed God to work on my heart. Now that I've been praying for Him to show me where he wants me to go in life and I have very little tying me down, there has been an opportunity to take 5 weeks at a sports camp in Europe and minister to the unsaved. I am nervous, but excited...I don't know what God will ask me to do, but I am willing to go out on a limb and leave my comfort zone because I know that no matter where I end up, God will be there and bless me more than I could ever imagine!

Wounds Reopened...

Why does it feel like when, month after agonizing month, I finally feel like I'm making great progress and then learning that I've already been replaced which momentarily shreds any progress made? My heart is thrown into the meat grinder and I struggle as I'm slowly getting sucked back into the black hole of depression again. Satan has such a way of taking us when we thing we're back on our feet, capable of doing things on our own again, and he uses that pride to lead us astray.
It was a painful, but necessary time to remind me that Christ is my rock. He is the only One who loves me unconditionally and will never leave me. God is not going to dump me out like yesterday's garbage for someone new and more exciting--I don't have to perform or meet any standard to stay in His presence--and that is comforting. Why do I try to make people like me? Why to I try to be perfect? Why do I let others determine my worth? Because I'm human, and when I don't allow Christ to be in control, then I give that power over to others. Thankfully, He is always there, just waiting for me to run back into His arms and let Him handle my stress, sadness, and worries. I don't know what I would do without God...