Trusting God...

So I've been overseas for only two weeks and the wave of doubts and fears have been prevalent. It doesn't help that there has been ample time to think with very little distractions. Yes, I'm a mess. It's interesting how much I have relied on other people and things to keep my mind busy and avoid thinking about what God has been teaching me through various experiences and relationships in the past year. I'm so good at burying my emotions that I struggle at determining whether I'm actually over someone/something or just get too involved in the next thing to realize that I haven't processed it all. Yesterday morning at camp I was pretty down, partly because I was cold, but also because I didn't have anyone there to just listen and hug me. I found myself getting sad and angry. Besides the fact that five years ago I had never imagined me being overseas alone, just this summer when I was well into the process and had a great friend who was talking about intentionally keeping in touch, as well as visiting, that situation fell apart. And so yesterday, in the midst of the cold, cloudy morning, it really hit me that here I am now without someone special to really confide in or comfort me when I'm frustrated, lonely, or down...or even rejoice with me when I want to laugh and celebrate any small accomplishment in this new culture. So today as I sit on my balcony, enjoying the rare sunshine and warm air, I wonder why I still find myself heartbroken and missing friendships. I know that God is sufficient and that don't need anyone, yet God has created this deep desire for a companion--someone to laugh with, cry with, and just enjoy each other's company. I am trusting God's timing and know that each person in my life has had a purpose in Him forming me into the child that He wants me to be. I don't know how things will turn out in life, but I do know that my God loves this mess.