Frustrations...

Why am I so frustrated? Why do I allow myself to get so side tracked when God has called me to pursue Him and yet I find myself chasing after my dreams again? Will I ever learn?

It's funny how quickly I can get wrapped up in someone who seems so amazing and begin to plan out the next few months, investing a lot of time and energy into them instead of focusing on what God has called me to. Then when it all comes to a confusing and screeching halt, I am on the verge of tears and depression. It's like I want them to love me so badly and yet I'm stuck waiting for them to see if another door is still open and if they will step through that or confirm that it's closed. In the mean time, I'm anxiously awaiting to see if I will be pursued or thrown to the curb.

I can't help to think that this is how God feels so much of the time with me. He has been sitting back, patiently waiting to see if I will choose to put Him first in my own life and pursue a relationship with Him. He must be tenderly smiling at the thought of me, longing for my attention and devotion to Him. Have I broken God's heart? I know that I have failed Christ miserably these past few months...my spiritual walk has been minimal and I've snuck in devos once in a great while when the guilt builds up, but it's nothing like when I was on my knees daily, trusting Him for each day's needs. God is so patient with me, waiting with loving arms open for me to run into when I finally decide that my own way isn't working out. And, I am there now. I long for His peace and love, not what I can get from anyone else here on this earth. God is my rock. He is my fortress. He is my strong tower. He is my ALL. Christ will NEVER forsake me, even when people might. Christ will always be with me. I am His and He is mine.